You probably know by know that I masturbate often. What you might not know is that I use that time to develop and grow my erotic potential–and you can too.
Today I’m going to let you in on one of my favorite tools. It’s by far the most powerful and yet easy addition to my masturbation routine I’ve come across.
It’s asking permission to enter or pleasure your own body.
I realize it sounds a bit nutty. It’s you doing you, so why ask permission? It’s already you, already your body, you’re already making the decision, right?
It’s so much more simple and complex than that.
As women, many of us have had the experience of being entered before we aren’t ready. Perhaps with an impatient lover. Perhaps during a medical appointment. Perhaps a hasty tampon change. Maybe it didn’t feel like a violation. Maybe it did.
Most of the time, being entered too soon falls on the discomfort spectrum, anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to downright painful.
To counteract this, we want to create new habits for our sexual self. We want to ask, then really listen to the answer. Is our body ready? Does our body even want sex?
How do you do this? It’s a simple 4 step process.
Get yourself set up for a solo sex or masturbation session as you normally would. Then pause, and ask your body, “Do you want to receive pleasure today?” (Or some variation thereof. Whatever feels natural to you is what you should say.)
If you get a clear yes or no, awesome! Honor the answer. If you couldn’t tune in and “hear” the answer, that’s OK. It’s common. Treat not hearing the answer as a no.
For a yes—go forth my friend! Give yourself pleasure and/or orgasm, really trying to stay tuned in to your body’s enjoyment and pleasure patterns.
For a no, stop being sexual, but do give yourself some pleasure or self soothing—a hot bath, massage, deep breathing, gentle stretches—whatever feels good and loving to you.
Do this often. Every time if you can, but if you don’t, it’s not a big deal, but I do want you to do this often and to keep doing it indefinitely. We want to constantly keep working on tuning in to our body and forging the mind-body connection during solo sex.
Asking permission. Powerful, affirming, yet so simple!
Sex Educator and Writer
When Jenn isn’t travelling the world in search of inspiration and excitement, she calls Vancouver and Tokyo home. Her writings and teachings embody her passion for sexual empowerment and freedom of sexual expression.