You know what I’m talking about. You’re reading a romance novel, and they finally get to the banging. The sex is amazing, they both know exactly what the other wants, everything is perfect, his cock is always rock hard, she’s always sopping wet, and they both explode in orgasm at exactly the same time before collapsing into a sweaty pile of bliss.


First thing I want to say is that I think the simultaneous orgasm in romance novel is often lazy writing. It’s used to show us how perfectly connected and in tune with each other the characters are. They’re cosmically connected. But a good romance should make that clear in the non-sexual part of the story.

Also that is not real life for most of us. Simultaneous orgasm for most couples is really fucking hard. And it has nothing to do with how connected you are, or how perfectly made for each other you are.

It has to do with mechanics and communication.

For most heterosexual couples, most of the time, orgasms are are turn taking process. A lot of men orgasm through penetration. A lot of women orgasm through manual or oral stimulation. Some women do orgasm as a result of penetrative sex, but many women have difficulty doing so.

So, to achieve simultaneous orgasm, a lot more is required than we see in books and TV. Both partners need to be stimulated in whatever way works best, and then they need to tell their partner when they are close. And if one partner is close while the other isn’t, they have to adjust. And adjust again.

This means each partner must know their own response pattern well. And be able to communicate it to their partner.

All in all, a fun, hot way to play. If you’ve been with your partner for a while but have yet to experience simultaneous orgasm, it can be a super fun, super hot experience.

But it’s not the magical, effortless endeavour we so often see. It takes effort, communication, trust, and self-knowledge.

And totally worth it, if you decide to go for it! But if you can’t it is absolutely NOT an indicator of the strength of your union.

Jenn Wodtke

Jenn Wodtke

Sex Educator and Writer

When Jenn isn’t travelling the world in search of inspiration and excitement, she calls Vancouver and Tokyo home. Her writings and teachings embody her passion for sexual empowerment and freedom of sexual expression.