Ask Jenn – February 3, 2020

Hi Jenn,
I have a couple questions for you. How do I vibe on a stranger? I want to let her know that I want some no strings attached fun. How do I talk her into sex with out having to hang out with her?

The other situation I have is a married woman I know keeps sending me erotic photos and texts and tells me about all the things she does with her husband. I really want to sleep with her, but she won’t let me.

Thanks in advance!
No Name Please

Normally my advice for someone who wants to vibe on a stranger is to flirt a little—show interest, ask what they’re into, make eye contact, smile a lot. And assess their response. Are they smiling back? Matching your eye contact? Asking you questions? If they aren’t in a subordinate position to you (ie, a student, someone you supervise, your barista) these are good signs. If you get these signs, asking them out for a coffee or a drink is the next step. If they say no, drop it and move on. If they say yes—awesome, go for a drink and see if there’s chemistry.

But you don’t want to get to know the person, sounds like you already know you don’t actually like them. You want sex only, which is cool. I’m a huge proponent of just fucking. Two people who agree to just get each other off? Go for it.

But you gotta do it ethically. You gotta be upfront about what you want and what you can give. If all you have to give is your dick, make that clear. Don’t lead her on, don’t let her think there is a chance of a relationship when there isn’t.

And be kind. Always be kind. Be respectful of her boundaries, make sure she gets off, end it if you think feelings are becoming involved, be discreet. Don’t brag to your friends, don’t take photos or videos of her/the two of you, don’t tell her friends.

And you say you don’t like her. Which is fine. All of us meet people in our lives we don’t like. We are all entitled to dislike people. But if you want to fuck her, there is something about her physically you do like. That doesn’t make her an object for your pleasure. She’s still a person and all the be kind rules still apply.

If you can’t be kind and respectful—walk away. No one deserves to be used. No one deserves to be a vessel for someone else’s sexual pleasure.

If you can do all the above, then all you gotta do is open your mouth and ask, “Hey I’m looking for some casual fun these days, if you’re interested, hit me up.” Then wait for the answer and act accordingly. If she’s cool, set a date and you’re off to the races. If she’s not interested, thank her for being honest, and keep treating her as you did before.

Now, on to the married woman.

She doesn’t want to fuck you and will never fuck you.

She enjoys the sexual charge she gets from sending you photos and texts and knowing that you open them. If she knows that you’re frustrated, chances are she enjoys that as well. Most likely that energy feeds her sexual relationship with her husband.

But she will never fuck you.

So you really have two choices. One, enjoy the erotic fodder she’s sending your way. Use it to fuel your own sexual energy. Two, tell her to stop. And if she doesn’t, block her.

Those are really the only two choices, because she will never fuck you.

Oh, and those photos she’s sending you? Those are a gift. Accept it with grace, enjoy and delete. Don’t be a douche and show your friends or post them online. Every time a douche shares a private photo, a woman tells all her friends, and you know what happens? They all trust men a little less. They send less nudes. They have less casual sex.

So be a hero and keep the nudes to yourself