You can make that happen.
Yes, really. You can take control of your libido.
How? Well, there’s no magic bullet or pill to take. And you can’t wish yourself to a higher libido either.
But you can increase your libido and you can create an environment in which you can more easily feel desire.
Before we get to the how-to, let’s clear up a few misconceptions.
First, sex is a skill. And most of us aren’t taught any skills around sexuality at all. We muddle through, and no one ever really tells us how to develop and get better. No one tells us how to develop a sexuality practice in our lives, and why it’s important.
Second—libido is desire. Desire happens between our ears. Arousal is between our legs.
Third—for many people, arousal comes first.
Put that all together, and what we need to do to increase our capacity for desire is to create a daily practice that focuses on our physical arousal.
If this is new, don’t panic. All you need to start is set aside 2 minutes morning, afternoon, and evening. 6 minutes TOTAL. Less that a few rounds of Candy Crush.
MORNING You can do this before you get out of bed or you can do it in the shower. I alternate. Pick whatever feels more natural to you. You’re going to focus your attention on your genitals. Really concentrate on any sensations in your body. Breathe deeply, visualizing energy coming in the top of your head, through your body and infusing your genitals. Repeat for two minutes.
GO BEYOND—If you have a bit more time, you can do the breathing for longer. You can also let your favorite fantasy run through your mind—that time when your partner or Brad Pitt’s tongue/mouth/hands/cock/vagina hit your sweet spot just right. If you’re in the mood and have time, go ahead and touch yourself.
AFTERNOON My favorite, but also the most challenging. You might not have privacy. But whether it’s at your desk, in the bathroom, break-room, or even during a meeting, you can do this. You’re simply going to pay attention to your genitals again. Do the breath-work if you are able. As you put your mental attention on your genitals, I want you do kegels. And yes, men, you can do Kegels too. Most simply, you flex as if you were stopping the flow of urine. Flex and hold for a few seconds before releasing. Repeat 10-20 times. You can also flex as fast as you can, creating a vibrating/pulsing in your genitals. Do that for a minute.
GO BEYOND—If you have privacy, give yourself a quick genital caress. You can also do this in the washroom.
EVENING I think this is the most fun…repeat the morning practice. If you have the time, add in the go beyond suggestions. If the mood strikes you, masturbate. If you have a partner and are working together, try this side by side. If you have a partner but are developing your practice solo, that’s OK too. If you’ve turned yourself on all the way, initiate with your partner.
Now, the major key here, is that this is a daily practice. To increase your libido, you have to be in tune with your genitals. Genitals—and all aspects of our sexuality—need to be taken care of, nurtured, paid attention to. Think of it like a smouldering fire. By doing this daily practice, you keep the embers hot, so that it’s much easier to catch fire. Keeping your arousal stoked will help increase your libido.
Give the practice at least a month. I’d love to hear how it goes, either by private DM or in the Jenn Wodtke Facebook group.
Sex Educator and Writer
When Jenn isn’t travelling the world in search of inspiration and excitement, she calls Vancouver and Tokyo home. Her writings and teachings embody her passion for sexual empowerment and freedom of sexual expression.