The Orga Pod is marketed as a clitoral massager, by a company named Toysheart―although I can’t find it on their website. Their site is utter shite with no search feature, and pages and pages of products. I scrolled through vibrators, dildos, and masturbators (And numerous products featuring child like anime characters with huge tits. Ugh.) and then gave up.

The shitty website is indicative of the quality of this toy. It feels cheap―too light in my hand, and it’s made of thin plastic. The black egg shaped toy has a small grey suction nub, and the remote is attached to body by a spiral cord that looks like it’s from the 1970’s.

On the first night I tried this, when I turned it on, the nub did create suction on my skin. I tried it on my inner arm, and I could see, feel, and hear the suction as I pulled it away.

So, I put it on my clit and it all went to shit. First, the nub is so tiny―about the diameter of a thumbtack―that you have to place it EXACTLY to get any stimulation. I like sensation over a much broader area. But I persevered. I found myself pressing down on the toy in an attempt to get stimulation from the vibration, rather than the suction. Basically within five minutes I’d given up on the suction, and was trying to use it as vibrator. Probably not how it was supposed to go.

It didn’t work. I tried, you guys, I really did. No dice. I thought giving it a bad review from one try maybe wasn’t fair, so I gave it another go the next day. But it had lost suction! It doesn’t even suck now, which actually makes it that much suckier. The batteries were brand new. Does the motor kill the batteries with one use?!

I’d try again, but I threw it out. A sex toy has one job―to make you come. And it failed miserably. Don’t waste your money on the Orga Pod.